


Til It Happens To You

by sharedwithyou



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angstangstangst, But It's Worth A Read, F/M, Implied Terrible Things, Implied Violence, Loki deserves a hug, Not Your Average BuckytheLovely Angst Fic, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 12:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5416592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>inspired  by the beautiful Lady Gaga-Til It Happens To You</p><p>WARNING:<br/>Implied Terrible Things (but not so explicit)<br/>Not for the Faint of Heart<br/>But Worth A Read</p><p>He loosened his grip and leaned his weight against you slightly, settling your shivers.<br/>“You’ll be just fine.”<br/>And he meant well, so well,<br/>But how could you know?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Til It Happens To You

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the beautiful song Til it Happens to you by Lady Gaga  
> listening to the song may make this fic even better; but WARNING the music video is hard to watch
> 
> WARNING: implied terrible things (not explicit so it's not too bad)  
> i kept it kind of vague because i didn't want it to be too dark  
> it's definitely worth a read; quite different from my normal angst
> 
> dedicated to all my lovelies who've ever felt this way
> 
> XOXO Bucky

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

He grabbed your arm and you flinched; he had forgotten himself in the moment. Pure adrenaline, pure spite, pure agony and maybe, just maybe justice.

He loosened his grip and leaned his weight against you slightly, settling your shivers.

“You’ll be just fine.”

And he meant well, so well,

But how could you know?

 

“We’ve given him a muzzle, for irony.” He snickered and you let a bit of space come between the two of you. He took no notice, leading you down the dark, musty hall.

You knew it was for the prisoners, but your eyes darted side to side anyway. You couldn’t disconnect your brain from all this; you knew you were safe, but your blood ran cold anyway.

It wasn’t like your brain was your friend either; it was hard to close your eyes when all you saw were flashes of bright, ugly lights.

He had offered to make you forget; to let the cool, blue mist take you away. To a better place, to a place where he could come up behind you and wrap his arms around you, and you would sink into them instead.

But you couldn’t.

Life doesn’t rewind; and all we can do is move on.

Sort of.

 

“Just up ahead,” he murmured, and you could feel the glee emanating from him.

You hadn’t asked whether it was apologetic or defiant; sadistic to the end or scared, scared out of it’s mind.

You prepared yourself for both; because how prepared could you be about any of this?

Your feet dragged along, but you were walking towards the bright lights and you wouldn’t be the deer anymore.

And so you barely blinked when a bright flash hit the room, and you saw the creature cowering in its cage.

 

The monster of your nightmares.

 

“If you want to, we can remove his gag at any time.” He stood with his feet shoulder-width apart, his arms crossed smugly. “Although I don’t think there’s anything this filth has to say that’s worth hearing.

And you remembered the words; it would’ve rather let you scream, if only you weren’t so damned loud.

The shrieks would’ve been a symphony to its ears, a deafening applause for the part it was playing.

The villain.

Underneath the pale bulb, it wasn’t so menacing anymore.

Grimy and streaked with mud and blood, you could have bent down and spit in its face, millimeters away, and it wouldn’t have been able to do a thing.

But all you saw was a shattered mirror into your soul, and your innocence.

And it was too ugly to behold.

 

“(Y/n), wait!” Loki called, bewildered, but you had taken off away from this mess, from this twisted metaphor to look for the light.

If only you could find it.

 

You felt your chest burning, your throat cracking, but only the wind lashing against you would bring tears to your eyes.

He would have appeared in front of you, to stop you, if you hadn’t nearly scratched his eyes out last time.

“What the fuck, (y/n)?!”

He had grabbed your elbows to stop you, and the scream that you let out had sent the guards running.

“Back to your stations!” He had ordered, even after they hesitated at the blood on his face.

You shrunk away, feeling paranoia and guilt filling your lungs, as you gasped for air.

“(Y/n) what is wrong with you?!”

“Nothing.” You replied coldly, but even without telepathy he could have heard you crying out, everything.

“I told you, we’ll get through this.” He had reached one finger, slowly this time, to trace your brow. “You just need to be strong. You can do better than this.”

But, my dear, how would you know?

 

Til it happens to you, you won’t know, it won’t be real.

Til it happens to you, happens to you, **happens to you**.

How could you know?

 

“(Y/n)!” You heard him shouting from behind you; he had chosen to chase after you instead.

But you weren’t prey, and it wasn’t a sick game of catch to him, so you didn’t bend over to throw up.

 

“I can’t do this!”

 

And you had slowed, letting your footfalls decrease before your heartbeat.

You came to a standstill, rigid, your eyes squeezed tight with regret.

You were alone, once again, with only your loneliness to keep you company.

 

I forgive you.

How could you stay, when I can’t even live with myself.

When I can’t forgive myself?

 

You can’t know how it feels.

 

“It’s okay,” you whispered. The cold had seeped through your bones, so that you didn’t feel the first flake land on your eye.

You didn’t turn to see his face, to see the sorrow and relief fill his eyes, as he left.

So, you were shocked when you looked up to see those glittering gems right before you.

 

“I can’t do this, (y/n).” His breath was warm on your forehead, even as you saw it solidify.

You searched him for a sign of what he was going to say; for the words he hadn’t yet found.

“I can’t let you slip out of my arms anymore.”

And this time you didn’t punch and kick and bite him in an effort to escape, to escape the terrors, the shame of pity, the crawling feeling of fingers scraping your skin.

This time you let your head hit his chest with a thud, as the rest of you went limp; so tired from running, from fighting.

 

This time he carried you in his arms as you lay there, broken.

 

You don’t know if I’ll be okay, ever again.

But that, at least, is okay.

 

And maybe tomorrow you’d head back to that cell, and spit on the beast who had did this to you.

Maybe you’d bring a knife, and draw a line on its putrid form for every time you had scratched yourself in your sleep.

Maybe it wouldn’t know your true fear, your true pain unless it was put through every aching thing it had, you.

Maybe you’d watch the life drain from its glassy eyes, feeling the power of revenge, or justice course through your once-bleeding veins.

 

Or maybe, even with all that,

He’d never know.

 

Maybe there was nothing in the world anyone could do to make him hurt and die inside, the way you had.

Even if it happened to him.

 

But the skyline was dark, and there were nightmares to stave off, and a crappy, had-a-dump-taken-on-it life to try to live.

And at the moment, there were a pair of strong arms holding you up;

 

And it might just be enough tonight.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> leave me a comment if this spoke to you
> 
> random ramblings:  
> i wasn't originally going to make one because this fic is so heart-full  
> but there's some small things i'd like to talk about nonetheless  
> i hope everything was mostly implied; i didn't want to go into specifics~ i didn't want this to be scarring so much as talking about the scars afterwards  
> loki gets to be the good guy in this one! he deserves it for once; after everything negative i've put him in ;) and i feel it's quite believable and IC~ how he wants you to get revenge because he doesn't know how else to make you better
> 
> i love the way i ended it- because even being able to confront the criminal, to be able to punish or torture them, will never make everything okay. when i see people i care about go through this kind of pain i want the worst things for the people who made them feel that way; but in the end i know it won't them whole again. i believe in justice, and i believe in revenge, but i wanted this fic to stand on it's own without any of those things; because all my lovelies deserve to feel loved, more than any of the other stuff
> 
> if there's anyone who's going stuff like this right now, i hope it helps. much love and prayers from me, Bucky the Lovely  
> XOXO


End file.
